Should a woman inspire a man?

The idea that a woman is a muse for a man is very controversial. Of course, you can inspire someone to do something, it really works. But not without nuances that must be taken into account in order not to be disappointed in yourself and your partner.

In our article, we will first give you tips on how to inspire your man, and then tell you why sometimes such motivation does not just not help, but even harm.

12 tips to inspire your man

The union of two people implies mutual support, so if you feel that your man has become dejected, passive, or has lost confidence in his abilities, don't give up. Perhaps it is your right actions that will fill him with determination and restore his faith in himself.

1. Be grateful. If, at the initial stage of the relationship, the couple sincerely thanks each other even for trifles, after 10-15-20 years of marriage, the desire to say "thank you" flies away. Do not take each other's efforts for granted.
2. Believe in your man. And it's not about pretentious compliments or high expectations. You only need to believe that he can, he will, he will overcome any circumstances to achieve his goals.
3. Respect his frankness, vulnerability, and emotionality. If a man is used to hiding his emotions, it does not mean that he does not have them. Anyone can "come unglued" and fall into apathy – this is completely normal. If your loved one has opened his soul to you and told you what exactly is bothering him, accept his right to any of the emotions and express understanding.
4. Bring beauty to your small world. No matter how trite it may sound, it is the woman who is responsible for the creation and aesthetics in the family. To the best of your ability, fill the surrounding space with beautiful and sincere things, create and preserve sweet traditions, try to preserve the external attractiveness and beauty of speech, soul, and actions.
5. Welcome, do not judge your differences. No two people are the same. Even if you and your husband have similar views on life in general, there will always be differences that can be annoying or upsetting. Learn to accept them as a fact and even enjoy them, because it is always more interesting to interact with a unique person than with a copy of yourself.
6. Realize their value. Everyone and you have your own mission, your own role in the relationship. Only in the union did you become who you are today, and your task is to broadcast your spouse's value, not to downplay it.
7. Make them want to take care of you, not save you. It's important to understand the difference: a vulnerable girl inspires a man to protect and patronize her. And those who are used to complaining predictably only evoke pity. Avoid whining and constant drama. After a while, a man will get used to them and stop reacting to the next "performance".
8. Do not organize competitions. Real men are ready to compete with their own kind, but not with women. After all, it kills intimacy. People you love should not be competitors for each other.
9. Support his desire to make you happy. Even in the form of small pleasant gestures. Sometimes his actions may not hit the mark, but you shouldn't focus on this. Notice the efforts he makes to make you happy. Make compliments, show your interest. Give your husband the opportunity to feel like a hero.
10. Meet your husband halfway, but don't chase him. When necessary, turn on his hunting instinct. In this way, you will not only keep him interested in you, but also energize him to solve complex life problems.
11. Do not criticize for mistakes. Calmly and gently suggest how to do better. By the way, this tactic is the answer to the question of how to inspire a man to give gifts. Just don't scold him for another ridiculous choice of a presentation, but hint at what you would really like.
12. Tell him about your priorities, dreams, and plans. The more clearly a man presents a goal, the more realistic it will be to achieve it.

Men's and women's affairs

Modern women are emancipated and feminized enough to make a platitude like "move the closet" make them want to roll their eyes. The problem of hiring a "husband for an hour" and doing all the hard work in the house without any extra hassle no longer exists.

But if people are married, the husband has some responsibilities around the house. And the wife's task is not to enter his territory. This makes both practical and metaphysical sense. First, doing things for yourself and "for that guy" is somehow unfair and tiring. Even if he is slow, does things imperfectly, and in general, his wife can do better. Secondly, the man is shown that his participation and help is just a formality, and that his wife can do it without him.

If we're talking about independence as a character trait, then this is very good. But in domestic matters, initiative and entering someone else's territory is a clear hint to the husband that he is superfluous. Also, such a woman's overwhelming independence fosters infantilism in a man. It's as if it brings him back to his childhood, when everything was decided by his mother. The notorious lounging on the couch while his wife drags huge bags from the store is exactly where it comes from.

Two approaches to motivation

But the question arises: if you don't try to do everything yourself, what actions or phrases can you use to inspire a man to do everything quickly and efficiently?

There are two approaches:

• Unfeminine – to reproach, criticize, make scandals, and accuse a man of passivity if he forgets something or fails to fulfill his wife's request;
• feminine – to voice the request and leave the husband alone. If there is no response, gently remind him.

The second approach is more environmentally friendly; it gives the husband the feeling that he is needed and cannot do without him. This makes him want to take care of and pamper his wife, rather than shifting additional responsibilities onto her shoulders. As the saying goes, the more feminine we are, the more masculine they are.

In the book "NLP: A Muse for Your Loved One", Pavel Kolesov wrote: "Very often women forget about the main goal of a relationship. And sooner or later, unnecessary difficulties begin in the form of tears, scandals, jealousy, tantrums, and everything else. Repeat to yourself "I'm better off with him than alone" every time you feel like teaching, "treating," criticizing your man...

Is it worth inspiring someone at all?

Do you know about the Yerkes-Dodson Law, which states that for complex activities, high motivation is not only useless, but also harmful? That is, if a man has set himself a goal that is not easy to achieve, then concentrating his efforts, thoughts and emotions will only take him further away from realization. And it is a woman who is most often responsible for this concentration.

Let's look at an example. At a family council, the spouses decide to emigrate to another country. This idea requires a certain amount of money. And so the wife thinks about how to inspire her husband to earn more in order to move as soon as possible. What could be wrong with that?

• A clear algorithm of actions to increase income is replaced by some vague talk about burning eyes, dreams, etc., and men do not think in such categories;
• Instead of helping to earn money, women focus on their husbands as the only source of funding for their plan;
• playing the role of the main motivator, a woman takes on responsibility without a guarantee of the result. At the same time, the man, as the earner, is deprived of his share of responsibility;
• if the motivation does not work, the spouses, instead of looking for objective reasons, turn to mutual accusations. The wife blames her husband for being passive, while he believes that he was simply not properly inspired;
• emotional tension leads to high expectations, which, in turn, leads to disappointment, complaints, and quarrels. It is extremely difficult to live in an atmosphere of nervousness and achieve something at the same time.

And one more thing. You can't inspire your husband to do something he doesn't want to do or at least doesn't know how to do. Any serious endeavor requires tools – experience, knowledge, and skills. Internal and external motivation is not enough. And if, in the context of our example, the husband's abilities are not enough to earn money for emigration, then inspiration alone will not achieve anything.

The role of a woman in motivating her husband to achieve his goals is generally limited to creating a favorable environment – domestic, emotional (psychological). But do not forget that both partners must support and nourish this environment. If the husband is closed to his wife's attempts to inspire him to do something, it is better to stop and re-analyze the goal – how realistic and desirable it is for both spouses.